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  1. “OnlyFans, but with you and Beal guarding people. OléFans!” “It’s a masterstroke of heartache, brutality, and redemption.” “YOU DIDN’T READ THE BOOK, DID YOU?” I let out a hearty snorkle (snark and chortle? snort and chuckle?) every time that car ad comes on. We all know that guy, the one who comes to class, the book club, or the big meeting, and does his best attempt at Winging It, in hopes of not making it obvious he showed up wholly unprepared? Few creatures do a better job at Winging It than hawks. But under the unrelenting scrutiny of the National Basketball Ass
  2. “I’ll be re-evaluated in 4-to-6 weeks. Just glad it’s not my wand-waving hand!” The Guru of… Go-Go? For assistant coach Corey Gaines, watching his Washington Wizards on pace to become the first NBA team to allow 120 points per contest for a season since 1990-91 must feel familiar. Perhaps, it’s because he had a cup of tea on the last NBA team to allow more than 130. Gaines was a disciple of legendary coach Paul Westhead, who once called the point guard, as reported by the LA Times, “one of the fastest, quickest players,” he had seen. Westhead oversaw a lot of quick, and G
  3. “Y’all would really rather see Tacko Fall, huh?” Once the first All-Star ballot returns rolled in, and it became obvious Trae Young had a great shot of earning a People’s Choice Award, Atlanta Hawks fans went into overdrive, and for good reason. If Young was able to get into the Game on the fan vote, then he wouldn’t be among the many players in the Eastern Conference going for the Oscar, waging an uphill fight this month for one of seven precious reserve spots. Neither the Washington Wizards nor the Atlanta Hawks come into action today (6 PM Eastern, Fox Sports Southeast and
  4. All these injuries don't make no (Common) sense! ~lw3
  5. “Hey, John Vall, me and Huncho gonna get our offseason vorkout started early. Join us vhen you’re freed up in a couple veeks!” We’re almost done! Our 2017-18 Atlanta Hawks season nears its end as they visit the 2015-17 Atlanta Hawks. Pardon? Oh, actually it’s the Washington Wizards (7:00 PM Eastern, Fox Sports Southeast and 92.9 FM in ATL, NBC Sports Washington) that will participate in the Hawks’ final intra-division fun-run. Maybe it’s the Friday Happy Hour beverage. But I do get the vibe that the Wizards’ course is currently charting our old one. Coach’s-pet All-Star
  6. Satoransky got Portis'd last night as well, but he says he'll be alright. ~lw3
  7. Black-and-Volt-Green-Black-and-Volt-Green-Black-and-Volt-Green-Black-and-Volt-Green… Sure, the Atlanta Hawks laid an egg in the final minutes of last night’s loss in Charlotte, after its revved-up Competitank finally ran out of gas. But as they return home for a quick run with the Washington Wizards tonight (7:30 PM Eastern, Fox Sports Southeast, NBC Sports Washington), there’s a different egg-laying bird I’m concerned about. There’s a strong likelihood that whoever’s name follows the words, “THE ATLANTA HAWKS SELECT…” this summer, will be our Goose for the foreseeable future.
  8. “Need directions to your hotel? Follow me!” Back at it! We’ll get to see how a weekend full of eggnog and hot toddy will affect our Atlanta Hawks Basketball Club, as they suit up to face a Washington Wizards team (7:30 PM Eastern, Fox Sports Southeast and 92.9 FM in ATL, CSN Mid-Atlantic) that’s hoping they’re finally hitting their stride. Essentially the same lineup – minus ex-Hawk Mike Scott – that ousted Atlanta from the 2017 playoffs and set the Hawks’ CTRL+ALT+DEL in motion, the Wizards are clearly the head of the class in the Southeast Division… or, at least, they should
  9. “Gahhh… not this Dennis kid, again!” The second of five road back-to-backs for the Atlanta Hawks concludes today as they visit the Washington Wizards (7:00 PM Eastern, Fox Sports Southeast in ATL, NBC Sports Washington) at the newly renamed Capital One Arena. So let’s take a glance, and see what’s in owner Ted Leonsis’ wallet. After reaching the Conference Semifinals for the third time in four seasons last season, courtesy of a Hawks team that wasn’t entirely up to the task, Washington entered 2017-18 with the league’s fifth-largest salary load. As it stands, Wizard contracts
  10. “If we HURRY… we can still make it to Fyre Festival after the game!” Up a game in an Eastern Conference Playoff series against the Atlanta Hawks? The Washington Wizards’ John Wall, ahead of Game 6 at the Highlight Factory (7:30 PM Eastern, Fox Sports Southeast and 92.9 FM in ATL, CSN Mid-Atlantic in D.C., NBATV or ESPNU elsewhere), knows this is no time to get complacent. Or, at least, he should know. Same deal for Bradley Beal, Otto Porter and Marcin Gortat. All three (with Kris Humphries in tow) recall winning the conference semifinals opener in Atlanta back in 2015, then wi
  11. “I Know Who You’re Working Out With This Summer.” Which Atlanta Hawk player declared that Washington’s basketball team is a bunch of “…crybabies. They b*tch and moan all game. They have no class,” then added, “They've got nobody who can stop me. I am going to dominate their guards physically and psychologically”? What if, throughout this whole Eastern Conference quarterfinal series between the Hawks and Wizards, now reaching a pivotal Game 5 in the District (6:00 PM Eastern, Fox Sports Southeast and 92.9 FM in ATL, CSN Mid-Atlantic in D.C., TNT), Markieff Morris is merely bein
  12. “John! John! I got the license number of that truck! It said, ‘BE GR8’…” The Atlanta Convention and Visitors Bureau would like some assistance, please. Markieff Morris has been having a splendid stay in the A. This, after being directed to some of our town’s finest accommodations by the Atlanta Hawks’ Paul Millsap, who has become quite the pain in the A for Morris during this Eastern Conference quarterfinal series. To ensure Keef and his Washington Wizards earn one more free continental breakfast in our fair city, the Bureau needs its Hawks fans to cheer the home team on to vi
  13. #SquadGoals (Premature Offseason Edition) This series ain’t a series until somebody wins a game on the road. For the Atlanta Hawks and their fans, they’re hoping there won’t be a series until after Game 5 or Game 7. If so, that means the Hawks took care of business here at The Highlight Factory, beginning today against those oh-so-offended Washington Wizards (5:30 PM Eastern, Fox Sports Southeast and 92.9 FM in ATL; CSN Mid-Atlantic in DC; TNT if you can stomach it). The True To Atlanta bill has come due. A regular season flavored with banging hip hop concerts, boisterous “ATL
  14. “I hear you, Melo, but she’s a Honey of an O, tho!” Happy 4/19! Sure, 4/20 is right around the corner, but you’re just going to have to forgive Atlanta Hawks fans for jumping the gun, what with our short attention spans and perpetual hunger pangs. Atlanta likes our Hawks, sure. But we crave what truly gets us our high: good, intense, entertaining, compelling pro basketball. Especially whenever the NBA Playoffs roll around, we’re on the hunt for that good kush. If the Hawks put out more of that chronically synthetic crap in Game 2 (7:00 PM Eastern, Fox Sports Southeast and 92.9
  15. He finally got himself a bobblehead. So happy for Nipsey Russell! ((Ongoing computer issues, so here’s a condensed version. Happy Easter and Happy Passover to all enjoying the holidays!)) Offense Wins Championships! You know the not-so-old adage by now. It’s kind of a shame for our Atlanta Hawks that they come into the NBA Playoffs with the Eastern Conference’s best defensive efficiency at the worst possible time. For their trouble, Mike Budenholzer’s interior-defensive-minded crew gets to wrangle in the opening round with the favored Washington Wizards (Game 1: 1:00 PM E
  16. “Miss Me Yet?” Our Atlanta Hawks veer into Verizon Center for a final regular-season tilt with the Washington Wizards (8:00 PM Eastern, Fox Sports Southeast and 92.9 FM in ATL; ESPN everywhere else). They’ll fall behind by 15 early. Then, they’ll pretend to make a comeback, get the deficit down to single digits, then fall behind by 20, abandoning sound shot mechanics, turning the ball over and giving up copious three-point buckets, as the ESPN crew fills the time debating Dwight Howard’s Hall of Fame prospects. Let’s Go Hawks!
  17. #InBrotherhood heat, heat, heat, Magic, Magic, Magic, heat, heat, heat, heat, Hawks, heat. The NBA’s Southeast Division banner has escaped the Sunshine State just one time since its 2004 inception. But meeting tonight, both the Atlanta Hawks and the Washington Wizards (8:00 PM Eastern, Fox Sports Southeast and 92.9 FM in ATL, CSN Mid-Atlantic in DC) are eager to double that number of instances. That’s especially true of the visitors to the Highlight Factory. As you’ve read here plenty of times before, Washington (25-20) has gone the longest of any NBA franchise without being a
  18. “WE DON’T NEED NO EDUCATION…” With all deference due to Aaron Rodgers, five letters here, from fans of everybody out there in the lands of the Atlanta Hawks and their hosts today, the Washington Wizards (7:00 PM Eastern, Fox Sports Southeast in ATL, CSN Mid-Atlantic in the DMV). A. N. G. S. T! Early yesterday morning, the Chicago Cubs scratched their names off the list of the most championship-starved franchises in American professional sports. That event, 108 years in the making, scooches the Hawks (3-1) up the ladder one rung, into the top-five among the title-thirsty queue.
  19. “Wow! All that offseason conditioning worked wonders for you, Shelvin!” ATLANTA! The New Atlanta! Real Housewives of… Atlanta! Preachers of… Atlanta! Love and Hip Hop… Atlanta! Say Yes to the Dress… Atlanta! Atlanta Exes! Atlanta Plastic! Big Rich Atlanta! R&B Divas: Atlanta! Little Women… of Atlanta! Take a sampling of the world’s most exquisite, cattiest, most loquacious, and most wannabe-popular women. Mix in a few of the world’s most trifling, most conceited, most wannabe-respected men, mostly of similar age. Place them together in lavish estates, three-plus-star