Official Game Thread: Hawks at heat (The Next One)

[lethalweapon3]

“Don’t sweat the game tonight, Trae. Just chalk it up to a Bad Hair Day.”

 

STATEMENT FROM THE ATLANTA HAWKS BASKETBALL CLUB

ATLANTA, GEORGIA -- “Accountability matters,” says Principal Owner, and Chair of the Board of Directors for the Atlanta Hawks Basketball Club, Tony Ressler. “When we’re losing for weeks on end, and the performance on the floor is not up to snuff, someone has to be held accountable.”

For that reason, the Hawks have relieved Lethal Weapon 3 (“LW3”) of his duties as Head Gamethread Writer (“HGW”) at HawkSquawk.net, effective immediately after tonight’s game with the Miami heat (7:30 PM Eastern, Fox Sports Southeast and 92.9 FM in ATL, Fox Sports Sun).

“We need insightful, portable analysis ahead of games if we have any chance of reaching the Playoffs,” said Ressler. “Like my wife’s performance in Twister, I demand precision and perfection out of everyone around me. When we’re about to play the Hornets, we can’t afford Storytime With Lethal veering off-topic about his ten most favorite Charlotte Flair matches. I’m sorry, but that’s not what I’m not paying for!”

President of Basketball Operations and General Manager Travis Schlenk made the announcement today. “We needed a new voice for the second half of our season, to get us where we needed to go,” said Schlenk, adding, “¯\_(ツ)_/¯”. The Hawks (14-20) have won just 10 of 29 games after a promising 4-1 start to the 2020-21 season, including four wins in their last 15 contests.

Over his seven-year career as HGW on HawkSquawk (“The Squawk”), LW3, a Philadelphia native in his third decade as an Atlanta transplant, averaged 84.7 Gamethread Posts Per Season (GaPPS). In that time, he amassed 14.3 season tickets per year, 3.5 likes per post and 0.99 stars per thread.

“Lethal’s injury updates, ultimately, were an unfair reflection of where our Club is improving, health-wise,” said Mildred Ratched, R.N., Vice President of Athletic Performance and Sports Medicine. “Particularly our free agents. In fact, we’re wheeling out Bogdan Bogdanovic for a few minutes, in time for this next game. Kris Dunn is getting better by leaps and bounds, although, I admit, we’re still working on the whole leaping-and-bounding part. And Rajon Rondo would be activated by now if he would just bother to return my calls. Excuse me, he’s what?”

“Anyway, just to find the positive news in the Gamethreads, you’ll get some silly sidebar from Lethal about memorable scenes from Mommie Dearest,” said Nurse Ratched. “I mean, enough about Tina and the Axe, already! Ugh!”

“He’s a fine enough fellow, who cares way more about Atlanta and its sports history than any sane sentient being should. But, frankly, have you seen the ego on this guy? Unmanageable!”, added Uniform Fashion Guru, Organizational Fire Ranger and Chief Executive Officer Steve Koonin. “Believe me, I’ve had to work directly with Future on a weekly basis, so I know unmanagea— just a minute, folks, I’ve got to take this call… Hey, Camye. Hold on. What do you mean, that was 2Chainz?”

“Don’t nobody look at me,” said Pope Francis, Bishop of Rome, Vicar of Jesus Christ, Successor of the Prince of the Apostles, Supreme Pontiff of the Universal Church, Primate of Italy, Archbishop and Metropolitan of the Roman Province, Sovereign of the State of Vatican City, Servant of the Servants of God. “I’m totally just in this for the sweet, free jerseys. Do these come in full-length?”

Gamethread viewership on The Squawk peaked in Atlanta’s 60-win season in 2014-15, and during LW3’s perennial Trade Deadline Karaoke. He has assailed over 600 current and former players, coaches, TV analysts, owners and general managers, and occasionally Russell Wilson, during his tenure as HGW.

“Indeed, this month is the ten-year anniversary of when Dominique gave that former referee and suit tailor a shiner,” noted Head Coach Lloyd Pierce. “And while that’s nice trivia to know, it’s not the content I need when I turn to The Squawk to prepare for the Miami heat game. I need to read about how we’re going to get Trae to move without the ball after a double-team, how on Earth we’re going to keep Kendrick Nunn from getting wide-open corner jumpshots in transition!”

“I depend on the Squawk to alert me, our scouts, my staff, and my players, that we’ve got to be physical,” said Pierce. “That we’ve got a tag on rollers. We’ve got a punch-on. We have to wipe the post. We’ve got to be into bodies and go over screens. We’ve got to be up to touch in the pick and roll. We’ve got to tag rollers. We have to get to closeouts. We have to force hot shooters to dribble. We’ve got to make our adjustments at the level to screen. We’ve got to X out on the perimeter. We’ve got to be multiple effort. We’ve got to be airspace on the closeouts. We got to pick up full court and get into bodies and change directions and try to spin some ballhandlers. We’ve got to deflect on the ballhandlers. We’ve got to make sure that, when they’re making their crossover, someone’s sitting there. When there’s a driving gap, we’ve got to be in the gaps. We’ve got to make sure that there’s an extra pass on every single possession. When there’s an extra pass, we got to make sure we get out and contest. We’ve got to do it with discipline, so that no one is fouling shooters on the perimeter. We’ve got to make sure we find bodies on the perimeter. We’ve got to come in and make our hits. We’ve got to rebound the basketball, so we can get out and run… oh, fellas, this is Tony on the line, I’ll finish my thoughts later. After all, we’ve got a big rematch with the heat coming up! Nate, wrap up practice!”

“Can you believe nobody realizes I’m still here?”, asks Senior Basketball Advisor and former General Manager Rick Sund, from the Hawks’ corporate headquarters on Marietta Street. “Just between us? Nobody knows I’ve been The Mole this whole time. Shhh! I’m hiding out in an office behind the Coke machine!”

The Atlanta Hawks Basketball Club has won one National Basketball Association championship in its 75-year history, as the St. Louis Hawks in 1958. They have won one Southeast Division championship in the years since LW3 assumed Gamethread duties on The Squawk. In the interim, Hawks fans will post random team stats and stat leaders, betting lines and trends, until they can convince Hubie Brown to take over HGW duties. For more information, please visit hawksquawk.net.

 

Let’s Go Hawks!

~lw3

[lethalweapon3]

1:30 boo-boo report is out, and reports confirm that Bogdan Bogdanovic will be walking back in the room like Troy Barnes with Pizza on Community. He's reportedly on a minutes-restriction.

Kevin Huerter's got a tight back, but he's tight (probable). Cam, Dre, and Done are out, as expected.

Jimmy Buckets' still questionable with an inflamed knee. Two-way guard Gabe Vincent's got a sore knee but is probable.

~lw3

[macdaddy]

"Do these come in full length"   <   that's a classic.  

(i'm hoping/assuming the whole thread is sarcastic)

[Spud2nique]

@lethalweapon3 I hate you! I HATE YOU!!!!!! Mainly because I can’t stay mad at you. Have you ever been really really pissed at somebody and want to let them have it but when you come face to face with them you simply can’t because they are too classy and graceful? That’s lw3 in a nutshell. You are too good bro (no sarcasm). Please keep these game threads coming. Oh, the Spud on the last game thread, his uhhhh account was hacked and uhhh.. he’s too emotional and a genuine pain in the ass. (Hey, there is nothing in squawk rules that say I can’t bash on myself a bit; a vacation from myself isn’t possible as I’ve learned from Seinfeld). I’m gonna enjoy these game threads in the present time parallel to the way I enjoyed Nique in a Hawks uni from 82-94. A wise man once told me to release hate in my heart because it would only wind up hurting myself. 
 

My apologies to you lw3 and the staff. Thanks for giving this old Hawk fan many chances. 

 

Go Hawks!

[JayBirdHawk]

 

 

[kg01]

The door to Sund's office is literally a non-functioning coke machine.  I mean, who still uses coke machines anyways.  Perfect cover.  He pretends to be walking down the hall then slips in while no ones watching.

Lastly, let's hold the Peppa tonight, folks.

[lethalweapon3]

Reddy V's been upgraded from probable to available, as per Kevin Chouinard.

~lw3

[JayBirdHawk]

 

 

 

[NBASupes]

Let's get this W!

[hawkzlova123]

2 hours ago, Spud2nique said:

@lethalweapon3 I hate you! I HATE YOU!!!!!! Mainly because I can’t stay mad at you. Have you ever been really really pissed at somebody and want to let them have it but when you come face to face with them you simply can’t because they are too classy and graceful? That’s lw3 in a nutshell. You are too good bro (no sarcasm). Please keep these game threads coming. Oh, the Spud on the last game thread, his uhhhh account was hacked and uhhh.. he’s too emotional and a genuine pain in the ass. (Hey, there is nothing in squawk rules that say I can’t bash on myself a bit; a vacation from myself isn’t possible as I’ve learned from Seinfeld). I’m gonna enjoy these game threads in the present time parallel to the way I enjoyed Nique in a Hawks uni from 82-94. A wise man once told me to release hate in my heart because it would only wind up hurting myself. 
 

My apologies to you lw3 and the staff. Thanks for giving this old Hawk fan many chances. 

 

Go Hawks!

We all have off days. 

The hawks particularly more than others

[hawkzlova123]

Bogi is back!?!?!?!? 

Halle @##%^&* lluya 

 

One step closer

Get well soon Dre cam and dunny we need yall for the playoff push!!!

[JayBirdHawk]

2 hours ago, lethalweapon3 said:

Reddy V's been upgraded from probable to available, as per Kevin Chouinard.

~lw3

I saw 'Reddy' and I thought you meant Cam, lol.  I was thinking there must have been a conspiracy...both Bogi and Cam back 

[Peoriabird]

I am so looking forward to watching this game!

[JayBirdHawk]

This is incredible:

 

 

[JayBirdHawk]

 

 

 

[JayBirdHawk]

This is true!

 

 

 

[JayBirdHawk]

 

 

[JayBirdHawk]

 

 

[benhillboy]

I like the Heat a lot.  The Hawks still can’t lose two straight to them without their best player who’s been damn near averaging a triple double.  Just can’t, even if Melvin Hunt was coaching.

On another note, I guess the ship has sailed on Kevin getting to the line more.  That boy done regressed from .9 a game.

Edited March 3, 2021 by benhillboy

[Bonkers]

I'm just thinking about what if LP came running out the back with a steel chair and slammed it over Trae's head WCW style lmaooo