Wednesday Insider

[Guest]

Takers absent as trade deadline nears

by Chad Ford

Send an Email to Chad Ford

Also Below: Atlantic want ads | Central want ads | Bulls softening expecations, again | Sixers trade talks stuck in neutral

Looking for love in all the wrong places ...

Fifteen days. That's how long NBA teams have to determine their individual collective future. Fifteen days to make that big trade that propels a team to the NBA Finals. Fifteen days to cut payroll and escape the grasp of the nefarious luxury-tax collector. Fifteen days to make room for a top-flight free agent this summer. Fifteen days to explain to season ticket holders why it's time to start rebuilding again. Fifteen days to save your job and the season. Fifteen days to do the impossible ...

The clock is ticking, the light has turned from yellow to green, and Hawks GM Pete Babcock is personally trying to bail out MCI with his long distance bill. But right now, all you hear is the sound of silence.

"There is a lot of talking, not much listening at this point," one Eastern Conference team executive told Insider. "Everyone is trying to pawn off the guys who can't play or make way too much money. Some of the sales jobs [by other GMs] are absolutely hilarious. I'm sorry, but Danny Fortson is not the next Charles Barkley. If he was, don't you think Golden State would be playing him? And what about Austin Croshere? Just because he's paid like Larry Bird doesn't mean he plays like him."

You get the picture. Everyone's selling, no one's buying. GMs are as paranoid as [censored] that they're going to get ripped off. And no one, I mean no one, wants to explain to his owner why a trade should be made that forces the team to pay more luxury tax. That's how you lose your job.

What the NBA needs is the equivalent of the singles personal ads you find in the back of any cheap newspaper. All everyone in the league is looking for is a little love ...

Today, we'll look at the Eastern Conference. Thursday, we'll address the Western Conference.

Atlantic want ads

Boston Celtics

Wanted: Low-post player with a sense of humor; pass-first, ask-questions-later point guard. Must be willing to play for cheap.

For sale: Baker's half dozen; rotund big man; former all-star. Has a sensitive side. Cries in movies and games in which he gets a DNP.

Miami Heat

Wanted: A point guard who passes like Magic Johnson. A swingman who dunks like James Worthy. A skilled center with a sky hook like Kareem Abdul-Jabbar. Jack Nicholson on the sidelines is purely optional.

For sale: Get the Jones! All-star shooting guard who demands April and May off. Bob Marley look-alike for only $12 million a year!

New Jersey Nets

Wanted: The Spurs and Sonics to make a big deal that eats all their cap space this summer.

For sale: Ultimate veteran. 109-year-old African center who was there when they invented the game.

New York Knicks

Wanted: Anyone who has lived, played or passed through the great state of Utah.

For sale: Houston, there is no problem! This slick-dressed, god-fearing two-guard is money from behind the arc.

Orlando Magic

Wanted: Anyone who can find the low post without a road map.

For sale: You can't pass up this Hill of beans. All-star small forward comes complete with extensive collection of crutches and ankle braces.

Philadelphia 76ers

Wanted: Dominant scorer with ability to put the ball in the basket without actually touching the ball. Low-post applicants must have two feet and be under the age of 50. Small forwards must be willing to relocate every six months.

For sale: Toot our own Horn. Former Eastern Conference champ willing to play the scapegoat in a city near you.

Washington Wizards

Wanted: Phil Jackson, Scottie Pippen, Dennis Rodman, Steve Kerr and Ron Harper for one last run. Leave Jerry Krause in Chicago.

For sale: Better than Brownies. Former No. 1 pick with big heart and unlimited upside. Loves quiet strolls to the end of the bench.

Central want ads

Atlanta Hawks

Wanted: Derrick Coleman. Steve Smith. Robert Horry. Kenny Anderson. And about $30 million in cap room.

For sale: Rahim cleaning sale. Everything must go. Ninety days, interest-free financing. No reasonable offer will be refused. We won't be undersold.

Chicago Bulls

Wanted: The Wizards to play their home games at the United Center.

For sale: Championship secrets finally revealed! Grumbling, ill-mannered, troll-like creature. Will throw in Tyson Chandler, Eddy Curry and a free copy of his famous dissertation, "How organizations, not Michael Jordan, win championships."

Cleveland Cavaliers

Wanted: A do-over. A soft spoken, pass-first young point guard with a bright future. A 19-year-old bad ass power forward, no college experience required.

For sale: Mile high special. A spindly, highlight-reel gazelle -- more jump, less shot. A 6-foot-2 point guard who can't play point guard. Will score a 100 points a game if you send him back to high school.

Detroit Pistons

Wanted: The Grizzlies to stay bad, but not too bad.

For sale: 36-year old veteran does it all. He vacuums, weeds, plays small forward, power forward, center. Just don't ask him to do windows come playoff time.

Indiana Pacers

Wanted: Johnnie Cochran to play defense off the court.

For sale: Austin Powers: From Donnie with Love. The Pacers' secret weapon, trained by Larry Bird, is available in this special limited edition. His powers are so terrifying, so unbelievable, that Isiah Thomas hasn't had the heart to let them loose on the rest of the NBA since he did a number on the Lakers in the 1999 Finals. Available for just five yearly installments of $7 million per season.

Milwaukee Bucks

Wanted: Someone to put George Karl out of his misery.

For sale: Doubting Thomas. 6-foot-11 two guard/small forward/power forward, the NBA's version of a swiss army knife. Can clip toe nails, open wine bottles and fit comfortably into that $10 million cap slot you've been reserving for your sixth man.

New Orleans Hornets

Wanted: New NBA franchise in North Carolina with no salary-cap problems and a new arena.

For sale: Old NBA franchise in the Big Easy with big cap problems and a star point guard with a bad back. Willing to swap straight up.

Toronto Raptors

Wanted: An all-star two guard willing to take it to the basket. Players with a history of knee problems or constant comparisons to Michael Jordan need not apply.

For sale: 34-year old center shooting 38 percent from the field. We hate to part with him and his $12 million a year salary, but we just can't seem to see eye to eye on this whole metric thing.

Bulls softening expecations, again

Jerry Krause is at it again. He's pulled his crumbled, weathered "patience" speech out of his pocket again and is trying to soothe the masses.

All of the trade talk that's dominated headlines in Chicago for months probably flew out the windows when Marcus Fizer went down with a torn ACL. Point guard Jamal Crawford is still on the block, but he doesn't have enough value to bring in a difference maker all by himself.

In other words . . .

Ladies and Gentleman, Krause gives you your 17-32 Bulls, losers of their last five and seven of their last 10. This, he's telling anyone who will listen, is his team of the future.

Who needs trades when you have Jay Williams, Tyson Chandler, Eddy Curry, Eddie Robinson and Marcus Fizer as your bedrock of youth?

Krause told the Chicago Sun Times on Monday that he's basically unwilling to do a deal right now because of cap issues. He needs to save the space so he can offer Williams and Co. the extensions they'll be looking for the next couple of years.

"I would hope when we pay the luxury tax, we'll be winning more," Krause said. "We don't mind paying it as long as we're winning. Traditionally, we've been a very well-paying franchise, and we'd have no problem doing it again. But the one place I don't want to be as a franchise is to pay the luxury tax and not win. That doesn't make a lot of sense, and there are a bunch of teams in that position."

That whole stance is rubbing Sun Times columnist Jay Mariotti the wrong way.

"Consider it obvious that Krause has been too impulsive for his own good. What if he had kept Elton Brand, a major success story out of the chute, rather than trading him for Chandler? And what if he hadn't sacrificed Ron Artest, Brad Miller and Ron Mercer in the deal for Rose? Would the Bulls be playoff contenders? . . .Sure beats waiting for Chandler and Curry to grow up. And it sure beats hearing Krause grouse about Rose's All-Star omission, which has little to do with defending his player and everything to do with defending his own hide. "

Don't expect team to seek deadline deal

Roman Modrowski / Chicago Sun-Times

For Bulls, it's Krause as in louse

Jay Mariotti / Chicago Sun-Times

Marbury rips Bulls' triangle

Sam Smith / Chicago Tribune

Say no to Stoudemire? Crumbs takes the cake

Ron Rapoport / Chicago Sun-Times

Sixers trade talks stuck in neutral

The Sixers are still trying to re-acquire Hawks center Theo Ratliff, but they may have run into a snag.

According to the Philadelphia Daily News, Sixers ownership would allow the team to acquire Ratliff and the remaining two years, $21 million on his contract only if another major contract (read Keith Van Horn's) was subtracted.

That makes things much, much tougher. According to the Daily News, the Sixers did have interest in swapping Van Horn for Knicks swingman Latrell Sprewell several weeks ago, but nothing ever came of it.

The Knicks, who are in lockdown mode concerning taking on extra salaries, aren't in any position to swallow Van Horn's contract either.

That means the Sixers may play it safe and just let power forward Derrick Coleman's salary come off the books this summer. Doing so would put the team out of the luxury-tax threshold and give it a payroll of around $48 million, excluding draft picks, next season.

Trade talks stuck in neutral

Phil Jasner / Philadelphia Daily News