The Wretched Perspective

[Wretch]

Welcome to the 1st edition of the Wretched Perspective. Wretch will be doing this every day, hour, week, or minute depending upon how the hell Wretch feels. Wretch will be tossing out his $0.02 in the popular editorial format that seems to be sweeping the Squawk these days, Wretch will be talking in 3rd person (obviously), and Wretch invites each and every squawker out there to do the same thing.

On to the Wretched Perspective already...

Wretch wonders who would win in a lip fight between Sam Cassell and Tyronne Lue...

...cause them jokers got big uns.

Wretch wonders why every damn year Dale Davis seems to make headlines... Davis is well past his prime at Nine-hundred and eleventy crillion years old. Who the hell cares if he signs a veteran's minimum contract to be the 4th string F/C for the Pistons. In fact, Wretch wonders why basketball sites don't just have one damn page with every minor free agent signing...so if Wretch gave a damn, Wretch could go read it. Wretch also wonders why an agent for Derek Anderson, born 3 centuries before Davis and about as meaningful on the court as a drop of sweat, also makes headlines about where his client intends to sign. Wretch could care less about Anderson or his agent, who also works part time a Dominos Pizza.

Wow, this just in...

Sixers guard, forward, center or cheerleader (Wretch isn't sure) underwent surgery on...something...and will miss the season opener or the entire season; but will still be getting paid like a som'biotch...so dang.

Lastly, Wretch has learned that Hawks GM Billi-Gene Knight got himself locked up last night after a 3AM traffic stop. The arresting officer asked Knight if he knew how fast he was going and reports say Knight simply refused to answer. He also failed to provide a valid driver's liscense, registration information, and would not take a breathalizer test. In fact Knight wouldn't do anything as he literally turned to stone. The officer arrested the statue by tying it down to the hood of his squad car.

This has been the Wretch's pleasure to bring you this edition of the Wretched Perspective! Please create your own column and speak in 3rd person so that you can sound as cool as Wretch does when Wretch talks about his awesome self in the 3rd person as only Wretch can do because Wretch is so much fresher than anyone else with the way Wretch rocks the mic on the Squawk.

Plus Wretch now has a column like everyone else, so Wretch is cool.

Dang.

[Dragitoff]

Good line about tying the statue to the hood of his car! I hate the overuse of these things, but here you go!

[tmac13]

Do you know how fast you were going Mr. Knight? "I was going as fast as I wanted to go".."Its not my job to tell you how fast I was going".."I may have been going fast, but not that certain kind of fast"..

[djcorley]

That's one of the worse jokes i've ever heard...and it's very racially charged...horrible...you should be kicked off this board for that joke.

[Wretch]

Yeah...

LoL I'm such a racist...damn those big lipped folk! I swear man, I can't get a job for all the big lipped people with their laws that support their employment...

And dammit if big lipped people don't own all the money and all the banks and all the networks...

By the way, this is Wretch...

As you can see, Wretch also has big lips so Wretch feels fully qualified to assess their liply qualities.

ROTFLOL

Plus he's damn sexy.

[Dragitoff]

Good stuff right there! Wretch, were you high in that pic? Your eyes looked a little red? lol

[Wretch]

Nah...Wretch has never been down that road because he is waiting to fire one up with Joe from Blues Clues...live on national TV...with the entire NYPD and its mayor. LoL

Wretch is pretty clean, but was getting a hellacious workout on, when the wifey took that one and sweat got in his eyes.

This is the full picture of the Lord of Sexiness himself...

[Lascar78]

We have decided that we are going to use the royal we from now on. We like the wretched perspective, although we find that your 3rd person narrative is tragically singular.

We also would like to know wretch's your tattoo says

[TheDude]

DocHawk found this to be a very entertaining post.

[Wretch]

Written in Tolkien's Tengwar Elvish Rune, it says...

"The last son of house Do'Urden of Menzoberranzan..."

Referencing the famous Drow Elf Drizzt Do'Urden, pictured below the inscription, a misplaced misfit much like myself...and his home, the dark subterreanean world of Menzoberranzan.

http://www.knology.net/~blacalis/image/drizzt.jpg'> (wonder if he's a Hawks fan too...!)

Below his portrait are his D&D statistics (also in Tengwar script)...Str(ength) 13, Dex(terity) 20, Con(stitution) 15, Int(elligence) 17, Wis(dom) 17, Cha(risma) 14

...and on top of the eerie similarty of our stories, he's also one baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaad mama-jama! Wicked fast with two magical blades: Twinkle and Icing Death (named after a dragon he slew). He's also got a magical figurine which summons an ethereal Panther to his aid (who will be my next tatoo). His name (Drizzt Do'urden) means "Dreamer who walks in the Dark" which I found out about a month ago - and again, oddly describes myself perfectly. Most everything I've found out about him I've learned in the past 2 years since I decided to get his face inscribed on my arm; it's so strange how I got so attached to him nearly 12 years ago and came to find out how similar I am to him.

If any of ya'll ready fantasy, you should definitely check out the chronicles of Drizzt and his posse. They don't play around man, lol.

[Wretch]

LoL, I thi...woo, talking out of character there for a sec. 'Scuse me...

Wretch thinks that would make an AWESOME commercial! Picture that running on FSN as a Hawks promo!

"Watch the Hawks as they take on the..."

With the commercial ending with the officer saying, "Sir, I'm gonna have to ask you to cooperate with me here." And BK's voice trailing off as he gives the officer as much standard, meaningless, looped, information as possible...

LoL

That'd be awesome...

[Inside_Man]

Quote:

---

That's one of the worse jokes i've ever heard...and it's very racially charged...horrible...you should be kicked off this board for that joke.

---

I personally think it's great that we don't know what color most people are on this board. Cuz it really shouldn't matter.

btw, I'm pink in the summer and then pretty much a frosty shade of blue in the winter.

[Weez]

so, the wretched one like salvatore, ironic that, especially given his 'wife.' makes one wonder, indeed, the entire 'royal we' consisting of myself and my imaginary posse standing behind me...

was it lady alustriel or cattie-brie who thee wed?

actually, pretty sweet in a messed up way, thyne tattoo (i have two, so not judging that at all).

any does 'your inner drizzt' call menzoberranzan 'home'...or simply 'homeland'? mooshie's grove versus the underdark...

hmmm.

[drzachary]

Quote:

---

so, the wretched one like salvatore, ironic that, especially given his 'wife.' makes one wonder, indeed, the entire 'royal we' consisting of myself and my imaginary posse standing behind me...

was it lady alustriel or cattie-brie who thee wed?

actually, pretty sweet in a messed up way, thyne tattoo (i have two, so not judging that at all).

any does 'your inner drizzt' call menzoberranzan 'home'...or simply 'homeland'? mooshie's grove versus the underdark...

hmmm.

---

Wow.. this thread is getting very interesting, very fast... Am I going to find new players for my campaign on Hawksquawk of all places? Am I going to start making predictions for Marvin Williams' stats in the form of "2d6+4ppg, 2d4+2rpg"?

(Oops, forgot about the 2nd person. Too lazy to fix.)

[Weez]

I'd like to be a little more Mat Cauthon than Drizzt...but in reality think it's probably a little more Rand.

Drizzt has been a favourite for quite some time. earliest days really...it's ridiculous how many people I've given a copy of 'homeland' to, my parents included, saying here, read this....

[Wretch]

TEMPUS!!!!!!!!!!!

I would KILL to hear that in the theaters!

Definitely the homeland...and I can never go back; where I'm from, but not who I am. It's all so messed up, and at the same time just the absolute truth.

LoL and I'd say she's neither...more akin to kindness of Alustriel, but with her own "dammit, move dammit. I can damn do it, damn it" like Cattie Brie.

[drzachary]

Those books are fun and all, but if Salvatore uses either the phrase "impossibly quick" or "lavender orbs" one more time, I might fly out to his house and kill him.

[Diesel]

As you well know, appearances can be deceiving, which brings me back to the reason why we're here. We're not here because we're free. We're here because we're not free. There is no escaping reason; no denying purpose. Because as we all know, without purpose, we would not exist.

[Wretch]

What good is a phone call...

LoL

[djcorley]

Just because you're black doesn't mean anything...hell, i'm black too...Still doesn't make it right man...You dead wrong and you know it...but, you just keep doin' what you do my man.