HAHAHHAHA

[BringBackMookie]

http://thebrushback.com/hawks_full.htm

Hawks Disturbed By Joe Johnson’s Desire To Play For Them

ATLANTA--Members of the Atlanta Hawks ownership group, as well as GM Billy Knight and several Hawks players, confessed to being slightly disturbed by Joe Johnson’s enthusiastic desire to play for them. Though they love his talent and leadership ability, the team is beginning to question the character of someone so willing to leave a winning situation to play for a perennial loser.

“We’re horrible,” said GM Billy Knight. “I mean really, really horrible. We’re the laughingstock of the league and we have been for quite some time. That makes me wonder: Why exactly would a kid with so much going for him in Phoenix want to leave it all behind and come play here? Sure, we’re offering him a lot of money, but that wasn’t even the deciding factor. He wanted to come here. He’s looking forward to it. That’s what scares me about this guy.”

When Johnson stated that he wanted to play for the Hawks, Knight and the team’s ownership were pleasantly surprised. They offered a package of draft picks to Phoenix, and completed a sign-and-trade that would pay Johnson $70 million over 5 years. Now the team is wondering if they are wasting that money on a crazy person.

“At first we were really excited about this, but now I’m not so sure,” said Michael Gearon, a member of the ownership group. “Just think about it. The Hawks? Why? We’re a joke. We’re not going anywhere, with or without Joe Johnson. This kid is either nuts or he’s not too familiar with our lineup. I wonder if it’s too late to send him back to Phoenix. I have no interest in signing some freaky nut job who would want to play for my team.”

The Hawks won just 13 games last year and haven’t been to the playoffs since 1999. They have one of the youngest starting lineups in the league, and their head coach is someone named “Mike Woodson.”

The Suns, on the other hand, went to the conference finals last year and boast one of the most talented rosters in the league. Why Johnson would choose to leave Phoenix for Atlanta is a mystery, and a deeply disturbing one at that.

“Maybe he killed somebody in Phoenix and just wants to get away,” said Knight. “Maybe there’s a dead body somewhere and Joe Johnson is responsible. He could be some kind of crazed serial killer that meets people, gets to know them, and then chops them up into little pieces, only to move on to a different state where he can start over again. That’s pretty bad, but not as bad as wanting to play for the Atlanta Hawks. Frankly, I’d feel better if he was a serial killer.”

It’s not just upper management that’s puzzled by Johnson’s decision. Players are having difficulty coming to grips with it, too. It seems most of the players on the roster want to get out as badly as Johnson wants to get in.

“What’s wrong with that guy? Why would he choose to come here?” asked point guard Tyronn Lue, who was traded to the team last season. “Nobody comes to the Hawks by choice. You come because you get traded or nobody else will sign you. Doesn’t he realize what he’s getting into? [censored], I’ve been trying to get out of here ever since they traded me. I even tried tunneling out of the locker room at one point, but I accidentally tunneled into coach’s office by accident. You should’ve seen the look on his face. I played it off pretty good, though. I just told him I was looking for the men’s room.”

Boris Diaw, who was included in the trade that brought Johnson to Atlanta, said he was “blown away” by Johnson’s unyielding desire to be a Hawk.

“I just don’t get it. He must be some kind of pervert or something,” said Diaw. “I’m glad I won’t be playing with him. My years in Atlanta were like playing in the developmental league. Nobody ever showed up for the games, nobody cared, and no matter how hard we tried we just couldn’t beat anybody. I can’t tell you how many nights I spent crying myself to sleep. Sleep was my only escape, but for the sweet, sweet caress of death. On the upside, they have some great restaurants.”

[Hawkzzz21]

This is ridiculous. We worked so hard to get him, now they want to back out of it? I knew we couldn't trust Knight. After all this man traded Gary Payton, Rasheed Wallace, Shariff Abdur Rahim, Jason Terry, and Stephen Jackson for Al Harrington and a Lakers/Boston 1st round draft pick.

I guess the Braves have their tomahawk chant. Our chant is going to be JERRY! JERRY! JERRY!

Cause we heading straight for the Jerry Springer Show.

[Catapult]

come on, don't say you took it seriously...

[delanceyj]

It's obviously a parody.. another writer making fun of the Hawks..

[Teeareess]

I laughed.

[Nicholasp27]

Quote:

---

After all this man traded Gary Payton, Rasheed Wallace, Shariff Abdur Rahim, Jason Terry, and Stephen Jackson for Al Harrington and a Lakers/Boston 1st round draft pick.

---

dismissing the fact that it obviously went over your head that that is a SATIRICAL article (see www.theonion.com for more research), let's look at this statement of yours

payton: deal not done unless payton back to boston; he also wouldn't resign here (or else we could sign him right now!); was never ours to begin with

sheed: wouldn't have resigned here AND got us JOSH SMITH!

sar: wouldn't help us contend and we wouldn't have resigned and got us sheed who got us JOSH SMITH

terry: got us walker who got us bos/la pick which got us JOE JOHNSON!

sjax: signed for 1mil/year in a coup and then snt (he wasn't signing here again) for al harrington

also, if we had held onto theo/sar/jt then no childress and no marvin and no salim due to more wins thus lower picks...

so the true statement is:

"this man traded Gary Payton, Rasheed Wallace, Shariff Abdur Rahim, Jason Terry, and Stephen Jackson for Al Harrington, Josh Smith, Josh Childress, Marvin Williams, Salim and Joe Johnson"

considering our future lineup at 1/2/3/4 is

jj/salim

chill/jj/salim

smoove/marvin

al/marvin

i'd say he did a good job...he got our future 1-4 core for only those above players who would

a) not have re-signed here

b) not take us to contention (or even playoffs)

add in the fact that al may get us our future center, and those moves ALONE could have gotten us our entire 1-5 lineup 2-deep! our entire 8-man playoff roster!

[RAHMOR]

Joe wants to come to Atlanta. Phoenix is running out and there's plenty in The A.

http://www.abc15.com/news/index.asp?did=20772

Large pot farm in National Forest busted

PHOENIX (AP) -- Authorities have uncovered a vast marijuana farm in a remote ravine north of Strawberry on the Coconino National Forest.

The mile-long field included "thousands and thousands and thousands" of plants, though it was unclear exactly how many, said Sgt. Mike Johnson of the Gila County Sheriff's Office.

A Department of Public Safety commander told the Arizona Daily Sun that it may be one of the biggest busts on record.

Members of the Gila County Narcotics Enforcement Task Force had been investigating and doing surveillance since July on the farm north of Strawberry on the southernmost part of Coconino National Forest.

A man was seen tending the plants and camping in the garden in July and August, according to court paperwork released Tuesday.

Last week, another man was spotted in the garden, and on Monday, two others were seen there. The men, who were heavily armed, were confronted by law enforcement and arrested.

Three of them admitted they had been paid to tend the marijuana plants. All were illegal immigrants, according to paperwork filed with U.S. District Court in Flagstaff. The men were identified in federal court paperwork as Jesus Castillo Malendrez, Gerardo Manzo Pulido, Oscar Nunez Medina and David Valencia Gonzalez. Castillo, Manzo and Valencia are from Mexico.

The investigation involved numerous agencies, but most were referring calls to the U.S. Attorney's Office, which refused to answer questions about the size and scope of the farm until a news conference scheduled for Thursday.

Johnson said the farm near Strawberry was one of a number local authorities have discovered on Forest Service land this year. Five others were found on the nearby Tonto National Forest.

"We've had so many of them it seems like," he said.

Raquel Poturalski, a spokeswoman for the Coconino National Forest, said only a few marijuana plants have been documented in that forest in the last few years, but cases are not unheard of.

The portion of the forest where the farm was discovered was in the Fossil Springs Wilderness Area, just north of Strawberry. It is heavily forested with steep canyons, difficult to access by road.

[AHF]

Nice to know we are guaranteed to land Lamar Odom when his contract comes up in LA!

[RAHMOR]

We should be able to get Zack Randolph too. I don't know if it was you who posted that picture of him with that kid but it said it all.