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Walter's Draft Lottery Party...

Diesel

By Diesel
in Homecourt Classics

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Diesel Grand Master

Diesel

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The Hawks have tanked. It's draft lottery day and Walter is throwing his 6th annual Draft lottery party to celebrate the Hawks fortunes.....

Doorbell rings. Walter goes to answer the door... TexasPete and DJ lays it up are at the door..

Walter: Come on in fellas.

DJ: Thank you. I brought the Tostidos and some homemade salsa.

Pete: I got some beer. Good old Pabst Blue Ribbon. You can't beat quality. I also brought some of my award winning hotsauce for the wings!

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Walter: That's fine. I can't wait to see how this turns out. This should be the first time in history that the Hawks actually wins the draft lottery and we get Oden!!

Ding Dong... Walter opens the door and CBAreject and Troy McClure wait outside. Troy McClure has a paper sack over his face.

Walter: Come on in. We're all in back.

McClure: Thank you. I guess I can take his off now.

Reject: He wanted to wear that stupid sack over here because I'm wearing a Hawks jersey.

McClure: It's embarrassing.

Reject: No, We get what we deserve tonight.

They all sit down in Walter's great room watching the game.

Reject: How long before the Lottery.

Walter: We have to wait until halftime of this game. Have some wings.

McClure: Who's playing?

Walter: It's the Mavericks vs. the Suns for the 13 time this year.

DJ: I like Boris Diaw. He's a rugged defender. We should have kept him and not gotten JJ.

Pete: Yeah, JJ almost cost us this opportunity. I'm glad Woody got the message and started playing JJ 24 minutes.

McClure: Have you guys heard the rumors that JJ wants a trade?

Walter: That's just a rumor. We're going to get Oden and everybody is going to want to be a Hawk!

McClure: yeah, that's the way I see it too. Oden is our fix all!!

Walter notices the game going to the Half with a score Dallas 79, Phoenix 84.

Walter: Now, we're about to see what tanking can really get you. We have the worse record in the league and that means we have the best shot to get Oden.

Pete: Yeah, could you pass me some of those wings. You can't beat quality.

Walter: I think Diesel and all those guys who wanted us to play hard were crazy. So what most of our young guys want out now. That will all change once we pick up Oden!!

DJ: Yeah, they should have gotten on the tank train early. Tanking is the only way that a team can make progress.

Pete: Yeah, you can't beat quality. Would anybody like some of my hotsauce?

Terrico (on TV): We have representing the Pacers with Larry Bird. Representing the Bucks: Micheal Redd. Representing the Bulls (taking the place of NY) Luol Deng. Representing the Hornets: Alan Bristow. Representing the Trailblazers: their coach Nate. Representing the Kings: Ron Artest. Representing the Sonics: Ray Allen. Representing the 76ers , Larry Brown. Representing the Grizzlies: The Logo Jerry West. Representing the Celtics: Steve Belkin. Representing the Hawks: Josh Smith.

Pete: I can't believe that Billy Knight wouldn't go and represent the Hawks.

McClure: I heard that Josh Smith is carrying a bag that contains a rock and a lock of hair that belongs to John Anderson for good luck.

Reject: Isn't that the same rock that he took when we got Marvin? You can't beat good quality!

Walter: Be quiet. Here's the lottery.

Terrico: 12th The Bucks. Yes, this means that beating all the odds, the pacers have moved up.

Terrico: 11th the Hornets: This means that the Bulls have moved up into the top three along with the Pacers.

Walter: That's alright, we're still the worse record, we're still going to win it all and get Oden.

Dj: Yeah.

Pete: You can't beat quality.

Terrico: Trailblazers...Warriors....Kings:...Sonics...76ers ...Grizzlies....Hawks.....Bulls....Pacers..... Celtics. Steve Belkin is standing up with a Boston Jersey that says Oden (#2). Steve, it seems like you were the perfect good luck charm for the Celtics organization.

Lord Belkin: This is a great day to be a Celtic Fan! I can't wait to see how dominant Oden and Pierce will be in this league.

Terrico: But aren't you the owner of the Hawks.

Lord Belkin: I do own That Misraeble franchise but I will always be a Celtic at Heart.

Terrico: Speaking of the Hawks. Being that you have fallen out of the top three, Atlanta pick goes to Phoenix.

Josh Smith goes on a rampage. He starts kicking the set and throwing things. He's shooting birds to the camera.

Josh Smith: I hate this ****ing franchise. I want a trade. Any of you guys who have winning teams out there in TVLAND. Call my agent Raymond Brothers and let's work out a deal. I'm tired of this losing *&% team. We can't win ****.

Authorities come and lead Smith out of the studio. Nate McMillan pulls Smith to the side and is seen talking to him.

Dj: WTF happened!!

Walter: Well, statistically, we had the best chance of landing Oden.

Texas Pete: It's all JJ's fault. If we hadn't won those games, we would have won the lottery. You can't beat quality. We didn't tank hard enough.

McClure: What do you mean, we had the worse record in the league.

Pete: Oh. Well, it's Billy Knight's fault. He should havev gone to the lottery himself.

Terrico (on TV): Well, this has been eventful. Let's get David Stern the commish in here.

Stern: It's easy to understand the frustrations of Josh Smith. But we cannot condone them. I want everybody to know that the lottery is not fixed. We have it observed by my good buddies at Ernst and Young and even though we had to re-run the picks several times because of machine malfunction, I think that we are all happy with the outcome. The Celtics is one of the most storied franchises in the history of the game and them getting Oden will be like NY getting Ewing or The Lakers getting Kareem. It's a great franchise getting a great player. Congratulations Mr. Belkin.

Terrico: We now return to the game.

Big Red Douff: We're here in Phoenix and the Suns fans are chanting thank you Hawks...

Walter: This sucks, but statistically, it was a possibility. Can I count on you guys to be back next year for my 7th annual draft lottery party?

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drzachary Newbie

drzachary

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It's official. You are a genius. You are also my favorite human being (or are you something more?) ever to walk the earth. I'm not being sarcastic.

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ATLJA316 Newbie

ATLJA316

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Quote:

McClure: I heard that Josh Smith is carrying a bag that contains a rock and a lock of hair that belongs to John Anderson for good luck.Reject: Isn't that the same rock that he took when we got Marvin? You can't beat good quality!
that's SUPER high quality -- good call!
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Guest Walter

Guest Walter

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We GD would've picked Deng over Childress, Deron over MW, and Roy over SW. I think we'd all be partying with those returns.

....

Diesel, have you paid your $20 to HawkSquawk yet since losing the bet with me?

W

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