Kids having kids

[Plainview1981]

I swear, there should be something done about kids having kids. As I've said before, my niece has a 1 year old daughter. Now. my niece has decided that she doesn't want to play mommy now and looks to shove her responsibilities off on other people. Lately, my niece has done this to me. Not that I mind watching the kid, but my niece spoiled her rotten and now that she has a spoiled kid, she doesn't want to look after her and has got to where she shoves the kid off on me all the time. I understand she needs help since the dad is a complete deadbeat. But still, she can't ever go back to the life she had and she doesn't seem to understand that.

Anybody else here have any problems like this?

[mattlanta]

Just tell her straight up that it's her daughter and she shouldn't be doing it like that. It's as simple as that. I don't think any thing positive can be done other than making the mother realize that she's a bad mother lol.

[TnDawg]

Just tell her straight up that it's her daughter and she shouldn't be doing it like that. It's as simple as that. I don't think any thing positive can be done other than making the mother realize that she's a bad mother lol.

Nothing positive except making her realize she is a bad mother :angel19: . Since she appears to be young and your niece Hotlanta....let her know you are willing to help her out, but it is her responsibility to raise her child. Find a way to help without enablling her to continue bad habits. Telling her she is a bad mother is not the way to do it. She obviously is young since your topic heading described her as a kid. She doesn't know how to be a parent and will have to grow into it, just like any 1st time parent. With you being her Uncle though, I would suggest you follow the lead of her parents. Continue being supportive because it is obvious you care what happens to them both. Feel free to PM anytime if you want to discuss it offline...although I have never tried it here on this site.

[mattlanta]

Ah, I worded it in a way where it seems like I wanted him to tell his niece that she should just go fall off a cliff and forget about being a mother - that's not what I meant to say. I apologize if it came off that way, but anyways, she still needs to realize that she's not being a good parent, and that if she'd continue doing what she's doing (leaving her children to you to take care of), then she is a bad mother. That goes along with what TnDawg says. Basically, tell her that "you are willing to help her out, but it is her responsibility to raise her child" means that you think she's being a bad mother and she needs to get her act straightened out. ;)

[DrReality]

Our situation can hardly compare, but my wife and I get peived when our daughter drops her dog off with us for the night and it ends up being days. Know it doesn't compare, but I feel your pain.

[Theeyo]

I see kids with kids all the time where I work and I know one thing, they can get REALLY expensive! I feel for them when they see the prices of things like carseats, diapers, cribs and such. I can see the look in their eyes of having no one there to help them, I think its good that you are there for your niece, but you also have to draw the line somewhere and let her take responsibility.

[Swatguy]

I swear, there should be something done about kids having kids. As I've said before, my niece has a 1 year old daughter. Now. my niece has decided that she doesn't want to play mommy now and looks to shove her responsibilities off on other people. Lately, my niece has done this to me. Not that I mind watching the kid, but my niece spoiled her rotten and now that she has a spoiled kid, she doesn't want to look after her and has got to where she shoves the kid off on me all the time. I understand she needs help since the dad is a complete deadbeat. But still, she can't ever go back to the life she had and she doesn't seem to understand that.

Anybody else here have any problems like this?

Brother it is a tough situation. But you have Three options.

1) Prayer: Prayer always helps. Praying how to and what to convey to your niece. Pray for understanding of your role.

2) If the child is not being taken care for (by niecy) and you refuse, contact DFACS.

3) Adopt the child and raise the child (or maybe the niece too).

Just suggestions. Kids keep you on your knees (praying). The best thing I heard today as leaving a lady I meet. It was so simple. As we parted she said,"go in love and peace". So simple yet so powerful.

Do the right thing for the child.

P.S. You cannot force a parent to be a "good" parent.

[DJlaysitup]

P.S. You cannot force a parent to be a "good" parent.

Exactly right...DO YOUR JOB. You might not have expected this but give every bit of help you can. Raise the kid if you have to. I have an Uncle who was raised by his grandparents....he's a helluva guy....kinda my Hero.

Adults take care of things...that's the way it is. :kickcan:

Edited August 31, 2008 by DJlaysitup

[DJlaysitup]

As far as "spoiled kids"...I never had to deal with that...because I basically intimidated my boy. He knew that I woulld whip his ass if necessary. It worked out that I didn't have to....but I would have, if necessary.

Kids don't need friends....they need authority.

Edited August 31, 2008 by DJlaysitup

[Plainview1981]

As far as "spoiled kids"...I never had to deal with that...because I basically intimidated my boy. He knew that I woulld whip his ass if necessary. It worked out that I didn't have to....but I would have, if necessary.

Kids don't need friends....they need authority.

Well, Brooke had the Colic when she was first born and there was little choice but to hold her. So, she kinda got spoiled.

[Plainview1981]

Just tell her straight up that it's her daughter and she shouldn't be doing it like that. It's as simple as that. I don't think any thing positive can be done other than making the mother realize that she's a bad mother lol.

She don't listen. She don't listen when we told her not to marry her idiotic husband. Never listens to anything.

[Plainview1981]

Nothing positive except making her realize she is a bad mother :angel19: . Since she appears to be young and your niece Hotlanta....let her know you are willing to help her out, but it is her responsibility to raise her child. Find a way to help without enablling her to continue bad habits. Telling her she is a bad mother is not the way to do it. She obviously is young since your topic heading described her as a kid. She doesn't know how to be a parent and will have to grow into it, just like any 1st time parent. With you being her Uncle though, I would suggest you follow the lead of her parents. Continue being supportive because it is obvious you care what happens to them both. Feel free to PM anytime if you want to discuss it offline...although I have never tried it here on this site.

The second one is due. So now she will have two. She also went out and bought a dog when she is already in over her head. It just amazes me. I know we all make mistakes, but sheesh. We have these big family blow ups about all of this every once and a while.

[Plainview1981]

I see kids with kids all the time where I work and I know one thing, they can get REALLY expensive! I feel for them when they see the prices of things like carseats, diapers, cribs and such. I can see the look in their eyes of having no one there to help them, I think its good that you are there for your niece, but you also have to draw the line somewhere and let her take responsibility.

They're also collecting food stamps.

[Eddielives]

They're also collecting food stamps.

Mann I know you are trying your best to make the best of this situation. Kudos to you for being there for the kids well being. Now as for your niece, it's going to come down to her changing her ways or giving the kids up to someone who has the ability to raise them properly. You can hope and pray all day that she sees the light but if she doesn't, someone needs to try and raise those kids in a stable environment. Are there other family members who see that she is making terrible decisions with her life and can get her to listen...you know like an intervention? If not, do what you can to get those children into a better situation if you can. Often, parents like what your niece sounds like will gladly give up their children...as sad as that sounds. After that, get that girl to tie her tubes(if she's 25, I heard you have to be that old in some places to do that). She obviously doesn't need to be bringing children into this world.

[DrReality]

Prayer and family. You don't want to deal with DFACs. There are no easy answers but it's not too late to be tough with her but gotta take care of the little one. Kids bring so much joy but are very demanding. Follow your heart.

[Diesel]

Brother it is a tough situation. But you have Three options.

1) Prayer: Prayer always helps. Praying how to and what to convey to your niece. Pray for understanding of your role.

2) If the child is not being taken care for (by niecy) and you refuse, contact DFACS.

3) Adopt the child and raise the child (or maybe the niece too).

Just suggestions. Kids keep you on your knees (praying). The best thing I heard today as leaving a lady I meet. It was so simple. As we parted she said,"go in love and peace". So simple yet so powerful.

Do the right thing for the child.

P.S. You cannot force a parent to be a "good" parent.

Dude, you can not contact DFACS. That's his family.

I suggest an intervention. Get the rest of your family together, sit the girl down and like a tribe, you all explain the family values to the girl. Part of the problem with young people today is that they are being raised without their family identity and values impressed upon them. Parents are too busy trying to be friends... SO Children are being raised with no respect for authority and no understanding of why they have what they have and what it took to get it. In every family, there ought to be some type of training that says " You're a ____________... and because you are that means that we don't do __________". IF that is instilled in a child from their youth and reinforced by family then that child will be able to go out into the world and understand that there is a certain responsibility that being a ____________ comes with. Kids have to be taught boundaries and to know what is acceptable and unacceptable. In her case, I don't think it's too late. Actually, it's never too late... it's just that the later you wait to start to instill these values the more resistance there will be.

For you new parents. Reason with your children, punish your children and Beat your child with love. Not just to show that you can beat them, nor to add pain with wrong doing. However, children will test boundaries. It's an automatic psychological phenomenon. It's the parent's job to maintain a boundary and it's the job of the extended family to reinforce that boundary. I cringe when I see new parents refuse to even reason with a child in public. You know that parent who watches their child act a fool in public and the most you ever hear from that parent is "Johnny No. Johnny don't do that. Johnny Stop. Johnny come back here. Johnny.. Johnny..." That's really abusive. What Johnny needs is to be removed from that situation (local bathroom) and first to be reasoned with but eventually spanked (if the activity continues). Because when you don't, you say to the child, That activity is OK And you're also saying "my words have no authority".

Finally, you don't need the democrats or the republicans to legislate family values. Just as the name implies, family values is something that is taught by the family. It's a cop out to wait on a candidate to promote family values in the government. Government officials only have to do a few things. Make sure that there's jobs, make sure that there's equality in the process of getting jobs, and be good financial stewards over the money that has been entrusted to you.

[Wurider05]

Hey dude Diesel is right. I am an Investigator with DFCS and you don't want us involved if you can help. I always encourage family to fix their own problems if they can but sometimes they can't. I am a near expert on this matter and just email me if you want to find out your options. There is alot that can be done but if you feel that you need outside involvement DFCS could help. The only catch is that someone in the family would may have to take physical custody of the child while we deal with the parent and if no one in the family isn't willing to take the child in while we investigate and setup services then that means that the child will go into foster care. Tell me what county you live in and I can tell you what avenues you have outside of DFCS or what to expect if you decide to call. I swear some women pick the worst men in the world to have children with. If u and you wife are interested in getting custody of the child let me know and I can direct you on what you need to do. In your wildest dreams you couldn't imagine the horrors that I have witnessed done to children so it is the ultimate reward whenever I can help a child have a better chance at life or help a family become stronger.

[tmac13]

Hey dude Diesel is right. I am an Investigator with DFCS and you don't want us involved if you can help. I always encourage family to fix their own problems if they can but sometimes they can't. I am a near expert on this matter and just email me if you want to find out your options. There is alot that can be done but if you feel that you need outside involvement DFCS could help. The only catch is that someone in the family would may have to take physical custody of the child while we deal with the parent and if no one in the family isn't willing to take the child in while we investigate and setup services then that means that the child will go into foster care. Tell me what county you live in and I can tell you what avenues you have outside of DFCS or what to expect if you decide to call. I swear some women pick the worst men in the world to have children with. If u and you wife are interested in getting custody of the child let me know and I can direct you on what you need to do. In your wildest dreams you couldn't imagine the horrors that I have witnessed done to children so it is the ultimate reward whenever I can help a child have a better chance at life or help a family become stronger.

I agree completely. As long as there is family who cares it needs to stay within the family. I have a friend who has a horror story involving dfcs and I wouldn't wish that on anyone.

Hey Wurider. When you get a chance send me a pm or an email to tandtnkenn13@yahoo.com. I would like to get advice from you concerning the friend I mentioned above. Thanks man

Edited September 1, 2008 by tmac13

[Plainview1981]

Whoa! It's not extreme enough to do anything like that. It's just one of those things where she is a young mother and hasn't accepted that her life is changed forever. I'm sure she will grow out of it. I also realize that some of it is that she is about to give birth again and it's hard for her to move and do things. Even they have food stamps, the kid is feed and perfectly healthy.

Edited September 2, 2008 by Hotlanta1981