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A Day in the life of HawkSquawk

VarsitySlacker

By VarsitySlacker
in Homecourt

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VarsitySlacker Newbie

VarsitySlacker

Posted
Posted

We begin in the mid-afternoon, a dimly lit basement, the only light coming from the glow of a computer screen, glimmering out enough light to show an old Steve Smith poster and a few pennants.

Diesel: Hmm, what can Diesel post today? "Diesel's thoughts on the draft?" No, Diesel did that one a week ago. "Diesel on the point guard situation?" No, Diesel did that one yesterday. "Diesel on the state of the Hawks?" That's always a good one. Or I could always go for the "Diesel blockbuster trade of the day." Those are always fun to write. Diesel sure does love Hawksquawk, and Hawksquawk loves him back. Imagine what would happen if Diesel did not post, there would be no controversy, and this place thrives on controversy.

We cut to a cubicle somewhere in Atlanta, where a slightly older, slightly more professional looking man is sitting at his computer desk, alt+tabbing between Microsoft Excel and Mozilla Firefox, where you can see glimpses of Hawksquawk and espn.com.

Sothron: Something big is going to happen today. I know it. My sources have been pretty accurate before, and I don't doubt them here.

Pan out now to a brightly-colored bedroom with an Ibook open and a girl not far out of high-school feverishly pressing f5.

jsmoovefemalefan: Not important...not important...Ooh, this one say something about smoove! what does it say, it better have something to say about how great he is, hes not getting enough credit for how important he is. what do you mean, overrated? josh is one of the best young players in the nba today, and im going to argue with you until you agree with me.

Cut now to a room similar to Diesel's basement, where the light is equally poor.

nbasuperstar40: This is just too easy...

***NEWSWIRE FLASH***

Rumors are circulating that Phoenix will trade for Minnesota PF Kevin Garnett in a three-team trade. In return, Phoenix will send PF/C Amare Stoudemire to Atlanta, who will package the #3 and #11 pick as well as C Zaza Pachulia to Minnesota to complete the deal. Salary issues are being worked out between the teams.

***END NEWSIRE FLASH***

Sothron: Holy sh!t, this is it! I have to admit, I wasn't expecting something this big, but this is great. My sources come through again!

Diesel: (Why didn't I think of that?) Diesel does not believe it. Diesel thinks that the Hawks should instead concentrate their efforts on Pau Gasol or Jermaine O'Neal, as Diesel has proposed multiple "Diesel trade of the days" that would allow the Hawks to get them for much less the cost. In fact, last week's "Diesel trade of the day" allowed the Hawks to get Jermaine O'Neal for Zaza and the 11 pick, and Indiana would OF COURSE accept that, because Diesel proposed it.

jsmoovefemalefan: thats cool and all, amare would be great next to smoove. their the best young players in the nba today and will create a great core today

nbasuperstar40: Wow, Amare is a great player, he can start over Smith (Who is terribly overrated anyways). Maybe with someone who can actually play PF, we can trade Smith to someone else for a PG who can actually play.

jsmoovefemalefan: what are you nuts? smoove is not overrated hes great, one of the best in the nba. boy, im glad you're not running the team!

Walter: Or we could trade Marvin...

Inevitably, someone:Beating_A_Dead_Horse_by_livius.gif

Diesel: Diesel agrees with trading Marvin.

Inevitably, someone: lol diesel why do you keep trading marvin

Johnny_Bravo: We don't need to trade anyone. We can shift JJ to the point and sign Vince Carter to a four year, 62 million dollar contract and put asses in seats. Salim Stoudamire can also get 15 minutes a game, and we can draft Acie Law. It will be the best offseason ever.

suns_fan: russian.gif

***NEWSWIRE ALERT***

We have just learned that owner Steve Belkin of the Atlanta Hawks has possibly vetoed a trade that would enable Kevin Garnett to unite with MVP Steve Nash of the Phoenix Suns. More to come.

***END NEWSIRE***

Any sensible Hawks fan: Are you f*cking kidding me?

Walter: This is Billy Knight's fault.

Diesel: Hm, this makes more Diesel trade-of-the-days possible. I wonder if we could send Amare to Indiana for Jermaine O'Neal in a four team deal.

nbasuperstar40: [censored], this is terrible! Quick, someone get Steve Kerr on the line and tell him we'll trade them Josh Smith as well!

jsmoovefemalefan: what are you nuts, is a good thing that your not running this team!

Inevitably, at some point: sadbanana.gifbananallama.gif, other random bananas that people like to post.

Diesel: Well, this means that we can draft Yi at three like Diesel always wanted to do. Diesel's draft picks are infallible, as Diesel wanted Roy, Deron, and Deng in the last few picks. Diesel also would have picked Gilbert Arenas in the first round, and would have picked Michael Jordan over Sam Bowie. Actually, Diesel would have picked Sam Bowie, and would have traded him to Chicago for Michael Jordan and four draft picks. And Chicago would have done it, because you can't argue with a Diesel trade of the day.

graymule: Whatever happens, happens, as this team just keeps giving us more excitement. laugh.gif

nbasuperstar40: Diesel, you keep talking about Yi at three, obviously you just don't know what you're talking about. He's a bust, a...

Johnny_Bravo: Stiff is the word you're looking for. Everybody who does not score 20 points a game and get featured on Sportscenter is a stiff.

nbasuperstar40: Right. What we need is a bonafide talent like Brandon Wright. The kid is the third of the superstars in this draft, and people are looking short-term and missing it. I propose that we try to trade Smith for the 4 pick (If Memphis will take it), because Wright will amount to SO much more.

jsmoovefemalefan: what are you nuts? Its a good thing youre not running this team.

nbasuperstar40: You're an asshat.

jsmoovefemalefan: well i dont care what you think.

***NEWSWIRE FLASH***

The Suns have announced that they have no intent of making a deal in which Amare Stoudamire goes to Atlanta. More to come

***END NEWSWIRE FLASH***

Walter: This is Billy Knight's fault.

Sothron: Oh, we were so close.

Diesel: Diesel knew that Sothron was lying. Diesel's trades of the day are a much better indicator of the future.

Sothron: Are you kidding me?

Hawks nation:*sigh*

drzachary: This calls for corndogs!

VarsitySlacker: Hmm, Braves game is over, Vernon Wells still won't produce, and my fantasy baseball team is in the pits. Let's see what's going on in Hawksland HOLYSHIT!

*reads*

oh.

*reads*

Well, crap.

Inevitably, by someone: nana.gifnana.gifnana.gif

Coming soon: Nothing happens.

Did I get a pretty good basis of the past week?

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Joker Newbie

Joker

Posted
Posted

Quote:

We begin in the mid-afternoon, a dimly lit basement, the only light coming from the glow of a computer screen, glimmering out enough light to show an old Steve Smith poster and a few pennants.

Diesel: Hmm, what can Diesel post today? "Diesel's thoughts on the draft?" No, Diesel did that one a week ago. "Diesel on the point guard situation?" No, Diesel did that one yesterday. "Diesel on the state of the Hawks?" That's always a good one. Or I could always go for the "Diesel blockbuster trade of the day." Those are always fun to write. Diesel sure does love Hawksquawk, and Hawksquawk loves him back. Imagine what would happen if Diesel did not post, there would be no controversy, and this place thrives on controversy.

We cut to a cubicle somewhere in Atlanta, where a slightly older, slightly more professional looking man is sitting at his computer desk, alt+tabbing between Microsoft Excel and Mozilla Firefox, where you can see glimpses of Hawksquawk and espn.com.

Sothron: Something big is going to happen today. I know it. My sources have been pretty accurate before, and I don't doubt them here.

Pan out now to a brightly-colored bedroom with an Ibook open and a girl not far out of high-school feverishly pressing f5.

jsmoovefemalefan: Not important...not important...Ooh, this one say something about smoove! what does it say, it better have something to say about how great he is, hes not getting enough credit for how important he is. what do you mean, overrated? josh is one of the best young players in the nba today, and im going to argue with you until you agree with me.

Cut now to a room similar to Diesel's basement, where the light is equally poor.

nbasuperstar40: This is just too easy...

***NEWSWIRE FLASH***

Rumors are circulating that Phoenix will trade for Minnesota PF Kevin Garnett in a three-team trade. In return, Phoenix will send PF/C Amare Stoudemire to Atlanta, who will package the #3 and #11 pick as well as C Zaza Pachulia to Minnesota to complete the deal. Salary issues are being worked out between the teams.

***END NEWSIRE FLASH***

Sothron: Holy sh!t, this is it! I have to admit, I wasn't expecting something this big, but this is great. My sources come through again!

Diesel: (Why didn't I think of that?) Diesel does not believe it. Diesel thinks that the Hawks should instead concentrate their efforts on Pau Gasol or Jermaine O'Neal, as Diesel has proposed multiple "Diesel trade of the days" that would allow the Hawks to get them for much less the cost. In fact, last week's "Diesel trade of the day" allowed the Hawks to get Jermaine O'Neal for Zaza and the 11 pick, and Indiana would OF COURSE accept that, because Diesel proposed it.

jsmoovefemalefan: thats cool and all, amare would be great next to smoove. their the best young players in the nba today and will create a great core today

nbasuperstar40: Wow, Amare is a great player, he can start over Smith (Who is terribly overrated anyways). Maybe with someone who can actually play PF, we can trade Smith to someone else for a PG who can actually play.

jsmoovefemalefan: what are you nuts? smoove is not overrated hes great, one of the best in the nba. boy, im glad you're not running the team!

Walter: Or we could trade Marvin...

Inevitably, someone:
Beating_A_Dead_Horse_by_livius.gif

Diesel: Diesel agrees with trading Marvin.

Inevitably, someone: lol diesel why do you keep trading marvin

Johnny_Bravo: We don't need to trade anyone. We can shift JJ to the point and sign Vince Carter to a four year, 62 million dollar contract and put asses in seats. Salim Stoudamire can also get 15 minutes a game, and we can draft Acie Law. It will be the best offseason ever.

suns_fan:
russian.gif

***NEWSWIRE ALERT***

We have just learned that owner Steve Belkin of the Atlanta Hawks has possibly vetoed a trade that would enable Kevin Garnett to unite with MVP Steve Nash of the Phoenix Suns. More to come.

***END NEWSIRE***

Any sensible Hawks fan: Are you f*cking kidding me?

Walter: This is Billy Knight's fault.

Diesel: Hm, this makes more Diesel trade-of-the-days possible. I wonder if we could send Amare to Indiana for Jermaine O'Neal in a four team deal.

nbasuperstar40: [censored], this is terrible! Quick, someone get Steve Kerr on the line and tell him we'll trade them Josh Smith as well!

jsmoovefemalefan: what are you nuts, is a good thing that your not running this team!

Inevitably, at some point:
sadbanana.gifbananallama.gif
, other random bananas that people like to post.

Diesel: Well, this means that we can draft Yi at three like Diesel always wanted to do. Diesel's draft picks are infallible, as Diesel wanted Roy, Deron, and Deng in the last few picks. Diesel also would have picked Gilbert Arenas in the first round, and would have picked Michael Jordan over Sam Bowie. Actually, Diesel would have picked Sam Bowie, and would have traded him to Chicago for Michael Jordan and four draft picks. And Chicago would have done it, because you can't argue with a Diesel trade of the day.

graymule: Whatever happens, happens, as this team just keeps giving us more excitement.
laugh.gif

nbasuperstar40: Diesel, you keep talking about Yi at three, obviously you just don't know what you're talking about. He's a bust, a...

Johnny_Bravo: Stiff is the word you're looking for. Everybody who does not score 20 points a game and get featured on Sportscenter is a stiff.

nbasuperstar40: Right. What we need is a bonafide talent like Brandon Wright. The kid is the third of the superstars in this draft, and people are looking short-term and missing it. I propose that we try to trade Smith for the 4 pick (If Memphis will take it), because Wright will amount to SO much more.

jsmoovefemalefan: what are you nuts? Its a good thing youre not running this team.

nbasuperstar40: You're an asshat.

jsmoovefemalefan: well i dont care what you think.

***NEWSWIRE FLASH***

The Suns have announced that they have no intent of making a deal in which Amare Stoudamire goes to Atlanta. More to come

***END NEWSWIRE FLASH***

Walter: This is Billy Knight's fault.

Sothron: Oh, we were so close.

Diesel: Diesel knew that Sothron was lying. Diesel's trades of the day are a much better indicator of the future.

Sothron: Are you kidding me?

Hawks nation:*sigh*

drzachary: This calls for corndogs!

VarsitySlacker: Hmm, Braves game is over, Vernon Wells still won't produce, and my fantasy baseball team is in the pits. Let's see what's going on in Hawksland HOLYSHIT!

*reads*

oh.

*reads*

Well, crap.

Inevitably, by someone:
nana.gifnana.gifnana.gif

Coming soon: Nothing happens.

Did I get a pretty good basis of the past week?

other then the basement comment, this was funny.

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