Any Advice is Welcomed

[jy23]

Just got married over the weekend and was just wondering if any of you veterans had any advice for a rookie.

[Admin]

Congrats JY! Finally made an honest woman out of the pretty girl in your avatar huh? My only advice, being a divorced guy, is to make your wife a priority over anyone else and that includes family. Not sure your religious beliefs but that's how it's supposed to be anyway, except for not being a priority over God of course.

[Ruckus]

Congrats. I always thought u were a lady because of your profile pic. Guess I was wrong. I have no advice as I've never been married. Oh well, congrats anyway!

[hazer]

Run for your life! Hahaaaa, I kid I kid. No really, run.....

[PSSSHHHRRR87]

As Dolfan said, make her feel special EVERY SINGLE DAY. She was important enough for you to put a ring on her finger, make sure you remind her how important she is to you and not every gester has to be some elaborate romantic deal either... It could be something as simple as taking her out to lunch or fixing something around the house or randomly coming home with a bouquet of flowers. Another thing, be there for her. It's the number one reason women fall in love in the first place.

[HawkItus]

Enjoy it man. That's my advice. As the song says "the good stuff" is the little things. When she first burns a dinner. Or that nervous look she will give you on that first really big decision that she leaves totally up to you. Love her completely faults and all. Be her hero, friend, and love. Never forget how badly you wanted this and earn her everyday. Keep God first and always take a moment before you say something in anger. And finally when the bad times do come(and they will) don't let today become tomorrow without reminding her that you are there for the long haul.

Edited June 4, 2013 by sultanofatl

[jy23]

Thank u fellas for the congrats an the well wishes, and no I'm not a woman lol. My wife put that pic on my profile a long time ago tryin I mess with me but I just decided to leave it up. It's been crazy lately tryin to deal with all of the weddin planning and everything else, really haven't been able to post or be on here the way I want to but it was definitely worth it. She was so happy and thats really wha matters now.

[frosgrim]

First. Congratulations! Marriage is great. I hope you have a long and wonderful life together Some easy practical things:1) do at least half of the household cleaning. My profession has a lot of women in it. And cleaning is a daily complaint about their husbands.2) women need to vent. But men like to problem solve. Ask her if she is going to vent or needs your help with a problem. Once my wife and I figured that one out life has been much easierI'm working on year 22 of my marriage Sent from my SAMSUNG-SGH-I997 using Tapatalk 2

Edited June 4, 2013 by frosgrim

[AHF]

Just lost my post completely. Aargh.

In the interests of time, I am going to mention one boring but important point. Money. This can be a big source of problems for couples. I would suggest planning out some sort of budget and a philosophy on what you guys want to do. Look at your incomes, what you are planning for housing, food, cars, etc. and what you want to save and spend. Budget fun spending money in so there is flexibility and guilt-free spending. You don't want one person focused on bargain hunting and saving and the other picking up pricy impulse purchases -- that leads to resentment and frustration at best.

frosgrim's comment about women not looking for answers to their problems a lot of the times is 100% correct. Just figure out an indirect way of figuring out whether it is a venting or solution discussion so she doesn't feel marginalized (do you just want to vent? sounds like trouble to me).

Enjoy the first year (and hopefully many more to come)!

Congrats.

[Guest]

Contests man. I would reemphasis budgeting like AHF posted, but that isn't so much Madrid specific as it is general specific. Always budget things because drastic events can happen and you should he prepared.Congrats all around though!

[capstone21]

Congrats!

[Guest]

Contests man. I would reemphasis budgeting like AHF posted, but that isn't so much Madrid specific as it is general specific. Always budget things because drastic events can happen and you should he prepared.Congrats all around though!

Damn cellphone autocorrect/swype.

[jy23]

Thanks guys....the money thing has been a big talking point with us so far, we're very different in that regard and I'm trying to make sure we tackle that before it ever becomes an issue. And yeah I've been doing a lot of listening and not a lot of talking lately lol, that's actually fine by me. Definitely appreciate the advice

[DJlaysitup]

So you went into a partnership with a female of the species - congratulations

I think everybody should do that at least once - kind of like having a battle scar. I lasted 17 years with the wicked spawn from H#__ that I married...(kidding - she was OK)

Seriously though - a couple mistakes I made - never take her for granted. Realize that these "females" don't think the same as you no matter how you think yours thinks.

..as AHF sorta mentioned...MONEY IS HUGE...if you lose your job just go find a cave.

They love shiny things...buy her baubles.

...and #1 - DO NOT go into the delivery room if she is having your baby - make an excuse and stay in the waiting room and hand out cigars - you do NOT want to see what happens. .

Otherwise it's all cool.

Edited June 8, 2013 by DJlaysitup

[DJlaysitup]

...women need to vent. But men like to problem solve...

Wow Fros - that is probably the best advice I have seen on a marriage for a man - no kidding.

You should teach this stuff.

Edited June 8, 2013 by DJlaysitup

[Diesel]

Congrats JY... Welcome to the real world. I have a handbook of things for you but let me make this simple:

1. Finish how you start. If you start off with Roses and Violins, she will always expect Roses and Violins. If you start off Cleaning half the house, she will expect you to always clean half the house. The nasty truth is that people really don't change much outside of their own comfort zone. This is a bigger problem for women to understand than men, but it's the truth.

2. As a man.... Learn to not sweat the small stuff. In your heart you know that there are a whole lot of things that are really not worth your breath to fight about. DONT. However, when it comes to those big things worth fighting about, put your foot down. You have to work the balance of being compromising without being henpecked. Women like a man who has a voice. So decide what you deem is most important and stick with that. That doesn't mean to not hear the other side, but it does mean that make sure that she knows that this is one of your core issues and understands your side.

3. Other women. Forget them. Cast off the face book friends, the ones you call your buddies-let them go. The truth is that women and men are not meant to be friends. Call it what you want but we're not built that way. And by nature, your woman is suspicious of anybody who she has not personally vetted out. It's a fight you don't have to have.

4. Acknowledge her. I have seen something so simple as a facebook status be the death of a relationship. IF she's your woman, acknowledge her.

5. Dol is right above. Cleave to your woman. That means your relationship is your relationship. Not your and your mama. Not your and her mama. Not your and your best friend. What happens in your house stays in your house.

There's many years more that can be said but if you can work on these first 5, you have at least 10 good years right there.

[Alex]

First things first keep your banks account separate from hers.

[Diesel]

First things first keep your banks account separate from hers.

Why would you marry somebody you don't trust?? Do you have a wife or a roommate?

[Admin]

Why would you marry somebody you don't trust?? Do you have a wife or a roommate?

My thoughts exactly! Although I do advocate having a joint account to pay bills and separate accounts for fun money that way you can surprise each other. Nothing worse than having a surprise ruined because your spouse saw a big charge from someplace she likes.

[jy23]

We have seperate accounts for exactly what Dolfan sai but we also have a joint account to pay bills and such. Pretty much our seperate accounts are just savings accounts.