Official Game Dread: Hawks at Hornets

[lethalweapon3]

“Introducing YOUR 2025 Naypyidaw Burmese Hornets!”

 

On this Valentine’s, a heart-shaped tin of Wurther’s Originals won’t do. Nah. For Your Boy, these days, a good Fupping is what warms the cockles of this hard-hearted hoops fan. At least, a good ole Fup story with the lights turned low. Light a candle, maybe some incense, and whisper sweet Fuppings in my ear!

“Failing upwards” is the new kind of Fupping, and it’s all the rage among the leaders of sports organizations that have Fupped quite enough, thank you very much, in the old-fashioned way. Snatching the semi-decision-makers you used for so long to take the arrows for your failed overriding decisions, by the collar, and hurling them from your towers to the fan masses below, is so Two Thousand and Late.

From the makers of, “We’ve decided to move in a different direction!”, the hottest new Fupping fragrance requires just a spritz from the can of “réassignment.” To the minions below, Fupping can even give off an air of promotion. How sweet!

Nobody big-time gets fired anymore. You have to old-school Fup in a major way to get old-school canned. You’d have to do something major drastic, like, just making something up here, demeaning Africans at a private board meeting and getting caught on-tape only because the bumbling owners decided to air all of their own dirty laundry for the world to see. Shoot, even then…

That’s because we don’t have the same kinds of owners we used to. These guys didn’t become magnates from selling discount furniture, twelve-dollar coffees, and cruise ships. They didn’t even make bank by selling sneakers ‘n silhouettes after decades of soaring over the heads of Patrick Ewing and Bobby Sura.

This isn’t even some Mr. Spacely, what with all his Sprockets and space-age techbros, that we’re dealing with anymore. No, this modern sportsball team owner comes from the ever-intertwining worlds of hedge funds, venture capital, and real estate. The challenge for these folks is they are so used to swooping in like saviors on a white horse, disemboweling all the bodies, then retrieving what’s left of the carcasses to wholesale for a tidy profit.

For the file below the rank, it’s the old saw, “Why, no! We’re not changing a thing around here. Everyone, relax! We’re just going to make incremental adjustments to the way you already do your business, with a process we like to call oh, who are we kidding, you are all so pink-slipped. Take your little two-week advance and hit the bricks! Last one out, turn out the lights. Then again, next-to-last one out, since we just got the light bill and yikes!”

But for the rank, it’s no longer reality-show-style boardrooms where the only seat that’s not searing hot is the chair reserved for the chairman who has court-justice yacht-vacation buddies on speed dial. The owners nouveaux have their share of well-heeled homies in high places and at 18^th holes, too. But they are stuck with the teams they bought until they decide to sell it away. And who would, frankly?

Revenue from tickets-and-beer, for these cats, are like chicken-and-beer to Luda. Plus, there’s all the media manna, whether the team you own is worthy of Thursday Night primetimes or not. Topping all that, there’s gold, in them there forested suburban and gentrifying urban hills!

So naturally, the biggest wigs in pro team sports stay tethered to the limited number of cash cows. It’s not like the good old days, anyway, when an owner could just move his club to his favorite riverboat town once all the gambling money dried up. But even these new guys relish the veneer of being liked, admired, respected, by the Joe Sixpacks.

They fear most the chances of having to appear at required ceremonies, like jersey retirements and ring-of-honoraria, for cermony’s sake, and getting the type of warm, Boo-quet reception one might expect after blowing a two-foot birdie putt at the Phoenix Open.

Worse yet, the thought that the heirs to their posthumous thrones will one day find themselves fighting back tears, as they’re the ones getting lustily roasted by fans still aggrieved by grave mistakes made by the guys in the grave. “You suck, too, Thelma! Boo! Hiss!”

So it’s always important to have someone in charge to absorb the critical blows from your errors. But you don’t really have to outright fire them anymore. After all, it makes it look like you’re the putz that made the mistake of hiring them in the first place.  Instead, just patch together a job out of whole cloth.

“We’ve decided to reward our failed GM for time served, with a role in our organization as a Chief Executive Super-Secret New Advisor (CESSNA),” the press releases will tout with glee. Please, keep your old salary, and come sit by my right hand until something better comes along for you.

The elites have learned from the ownership groups of your Atlanta Hawks how, in this brave new millennium, to get the job done. You can take a Ferry, or a Schlenk, and just slowly phase them out by flying out a new CESSNA. Whether it’s the Wizards with their coaching Fup, or the Charlotte Hornets with their latest GM Fup, these NBA organizations are out here Fupping like rabbits.

There is no doubt former Hawks minority owner Rick Schnall understands the art of the deal. The reason Mitch Kupchak was not summarily upchucked this week, by Schnall and his new Charlotte Hornets majority co-owner Gabe Plotkin (look, Ma! Hedge funds!), was they sit in a two-horse sports town, where the other stable’s meddling owner is flambéd on the daily for selling off the town’s last remaining Man O’ War and sending all the wrong studs off to the glue factory.

Yes, it would be hard to out-undo David Tepper, the Panthers’ hedge-funded head honcho, in the space of mere months. But at least Tepper has an open-air arena that conveniently redirects any jeers to the heavens. For now, Kupchak gets CESSNA’d, and it may not be long before another loyal Hornets staffer, head coach Steve Clifford, gets Mitch’s old gig, or another made-up one. Fup, Fup, and Away!

A similar PR ploy seems to work for players, too. Rather than cut you from the roster out of principle, Miles Bridges (beat the rap, and allegedly that’s all he’s beaten, of late), we’ll string you along on your qualifying offer until the bad PR winds blow elsewhere. You can even start, because who else are we gonna put out there, Kai Jones? No need to thank us, you can show our org your loyalty when you settle for a sub-market-rate deal this summer. Now, who’s up for some billiards? Corner pocket!

When you’re confident you’ve got a cushy bouncy-house awaiting your golden parachute landing, you can be a Landry Fields and Fup, traditional style, to your hearts’ content. Or kick back and do absolutely nothing of substance, either way, while the team you profess to manage for newspapers and sports-talk shows twists in the wind. Who needs to add depth? Who needs to develop draftees and young players into impactful inputs? At these prices? Not with my owner’s money, nosiree!

Hawks fans are left watching their favorite team return to the scene of this season’s original crime, at Spectrum Center, trying not to giftwrap another W to the host Hornets tonight (7 PM Eastern, Bally Sports Southeast in ATL and CLT, 92.9 FM in ATL) before heading off to the Caribbean or wherever everyone not named Trae Young has got planned.

It’s shaping up to be a Cancun preseason preview, for not one but two clubs headed for an early NBA summer. Fields (we’ll just play along, and put it all on Fields) and the Hawks failed to address their season-long rebounding woes. The season began by getting out-boarded 51-42 in Atlanta’s 116-110 season-opening loss in Charlotte. It continued with a 49-43 deficit that bore rotten fruit in the Hawks’ latest defensive collapse, a 136-126 home loss to an equally dour Bulls club that isn’t even looking to run up scores.

Now, Onyeka Okongwu and his freshly sprained toe will sit beside Clint Capela and his continuously strained adductor, as the pair (and probably back-saddled rookie Mo Gueye) watches Bruno Fernando flail about for a team that’s six feet high and sliding. At least Bruno won’t have Mark Williams (CHA team-high 15 rebounds vs. ATL back in October; out, back injury recovery) to contend with around the rim. The Bugs do, however, have a new acquisition, Grant Williams, back in his old Queen City stomping grounds, in time for Trae to reverse-troll with belly-rubs, whenever Williams isn’t packing the paint with Bridges and Nick Richards.

Kupchak did the new owners’ bidding, by ridding the club of Terry Rozier, Gordon Hayward and P.J. Washington, plus draft flub James Bouknight, in the run-up to the All-Star break. This allows the Hornets (12-41), and whosoever they announce as the new bball-ops prez, to start fresh with the rebuild around LaMelo Ball, once the oft-injured franchise face gets his ankles right, and Brandon Miller. To pass the time, Coach Cliff has been granted some shooters, Williams’ fellow Charlotte native Seth Curry and Davis Bertans.

The Hawks (24-30) remain stuck with that not-so-fresh feeling around Young, and the hope is they can keep this weekend’s Skills Challenge winner (yes, I’m calling it now) content until the team decides to cobble together a new plan, this summer, or maybe next. Fields knows he can simply keep his nose clean, play his owner’s cards right when the latter bothers to play, and have a Fupping good fallback gig waiting for him, when the time comes for ownership to sell some change we Hawks fans can believe in.

We already know how it will go over on Marietta Street. Yes you Fupped royally, Landry. In our appreciation, here’s a completely new title, while we offer Quin Snyder yours.  You can even take Rick Sund’s old corner office. It’s hiding right here behind the candy machi—oh, hey, Rick! Fancy seeing you still here, what have you been up to?

 

Happy Valentine’s to You and Your Forget-Me-Nots. Let’s Go Hawks!

~lw3

[lethalweapon3]

Besides Gwu Tang and Clint, the only noteworthy notables among injured/ill Hawks are AJ Griffin and 2Ts Matthews, each cited as dealing with Illness.

After threatening to eclipse their 11-game losing streak from December, the Hornets thwarted their ten-game skid with a 115-106 win over Memphis at home on Saturday. They followed that up with a 111-102 win over the Pacers (Tyrese Hailburton! How dare you! All-Star my foot!) and are looking to go into the Break with a three-game homestand sweep. They also hope to extend their win streak head-to-head with Atlanta to four straight, including three straight at Spectrum Center.

Why they'll have to continue pulling it off without Ball or Mark Williams, Charlotte looks to have Cody Martin (probable, contused knee) in tow for tonight's contest. Versus Indiana, CoMart and the Hornets logged a season-high 41 D-Rebs and held the allegedly retrofitted Pacers (2 O-Rebs, a season-low 32 total) to a paltry two second-chance points.

Most of Charlotte's second-half buckets came from inside the three-point arc, an 85.2 2FG% that is their highest since at least 1997-98 (as per Elias Sports). Versus Memphis, their 51.3 3FG% and 57.3 overall FG% were season-bests.

While not everything worked in Atlanta's favor in Monday night's loss, as per Hawks' Game Notes, Bogi Bogdanovic and De'Andre Hunter became the first Hawks duo to tally 50+ bench points since T-Lue and J-Chillz back in November 2006. As you're already aware, Trae remains just one triple behind Mookie for the franchise made-threes record.

~lw3

[JayBirdHawk]

28 minutes ago, lethalweapon3 said:

Bogi Bogdanovic and De'Andre Hunter became the first Hawks duo to tally 50+ bench points since T-Lue and J-Chillz back in November 2006.

Nice. Just need the starters to hold up.their end of the bargain.

 

[JayBirdHawk]

Who from the HorCats will have a career night against us tonight?

Gone a Hawk killers Rozier and Hayward, but Micic has played well since traded.

[kg01]

16 minutes ago, JayBirdHawk said:

Who from the HorCats will have a career night against us tonight?

Gone a Hawk killers Rozier and Hayward, but Micic has played well since traded.

Bridges probably.  Or tre Mann.  Yeah, that's my pick.  Everybody gonna be like, "Trey aint even da bess Tray in tha building?!"

[Diesel]

This is going to be a tough game.   Charlotte always plays us tough.  Bridges, Miller, and Bertans will be ones to watch out for. 

 

 

[Gray Mule]

Information I have:  I hope Bruno is ready.  Capela and 0017 are both out, injured.

Trae gets a big fine from NBA for gesture toward a ref in our last game.

GO ATL HAWKS!

[macdaddy]

"Game dread"

[Dnice]

Hornets to cover.

[JayBirdHawk]

 

Bench: Hunter, Bogdanovic, Bufkin, G. Mathews, Mills

Injured/Sick: Capela, Onkongwu, Griffin, Gueye, W. Matthews

Ineligible to play: Forrest

[Peoriabird]

Murray is garbage

[Nash]

Omg Jalen. Only scrubs miss that

[theheroatl]

We look…. like we’re gonna let Brandon miller and tre Mann go off

 

predict their stat lines

brandon miller 32/5/5 on 65% 3 pt shooting

Edited February 15 by theheroatl

[JayBirdHawk]

If Bufkin doesn't get minutes in the first half, I will be annoyed.

[JayBirdHawk]

Dr3

[terrell]

Murray trade value gonna plummet like JC did if he keeps playing like he has lately.. Good grief..

 

[Peoriabird]

Hawks have to find a trade partner for Murray

[terrell]

7 minutes ago, Nash said:

Omg Jalen. Only scrubs miss that

Yeah just dunk the ball man....

He's been watching to much Capela...... lol

[terrell]

2 minutes ago, Peoriabird said:

Hawks have to find a trade partner for Murray

"should've found"

 

[Peoriabird]

Hunter still on restrictions?